just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
