my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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