Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
