4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
