whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
