and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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