I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
