her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
