dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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