The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
