We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
