You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
