Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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