I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
