swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
