just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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