i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
