I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A+ Viking dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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