That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
