so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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