my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
