Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
