Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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