Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
