Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
