We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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