so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
