don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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