I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
