My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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