I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
