Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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