I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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