im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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