And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
