Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Nicole vs. Life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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