As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
