I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
