I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
