u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
