If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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