Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
