i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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