If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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