Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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