4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
