I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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