Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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