so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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