kristin has been a bad kristin
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
