you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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