Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
