her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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